Sh*t (Sometimes) Happens

I would like to say that 2017 is the year I get sh*t done, even though I started this blog back in 2016 with the same intention. Sh*t happens. It’s what you do next that matters most. This is one of my focus areas for 2017 – what do I do when sh*t happens?

I tend to over worry about everything. Anxiety is nothing new to me. Sometimes sh*t happens, and sometimes the sh*t is only happening in our heads. This weekend I replayed a conversation I had at work last week that left me feeling worried. I started second guessing my overall purpose in my job. It didn’t take long for my brain to jump to all kinds of conclusions. Tonight, while relaxing with my “Be Inspired: Design Coloring Book – Patterns by Eijffinger”, I tumbled into the thought that I’m just no good at graphic design.

This is a prime example of sh*t happening…in my head.

Because one negative thoughts breeds more negative thoughts I came up with this gem of insecurity: If I’m no good at graphic design, I have no purpose for the work I do.

That negativity was followed up with how much I dreaded going to work in the morning because nothing I do in my job gives me any sense of purpose.

Again, sh*t happens sometimes only in my head.

Purposelessness is a feeling I got used to having in my 20s and 30s. I clung to it because it was the devil I knew. A change, a risk in doing something new was, well, new and scary! What if I failed?  What if I found out I was terrible at the new thing? In all that time I never considered that discovery requires risk, that there are things I am definitely going to suck at, but I will always feel purposeless without trying to find what I love doing!

Somewhere along the way I realized that none of my negative feelings were true. Sometimes I want to tumble down that rabbit hole of self-doubt but then something always happens to remind me that those thoughts are false.

Tonight my mother’s voice popped into my head. Can anyone else “hear” their mother’s voice when they read her texts? Well, I can. She sent me this text: “I returned to line dancing on Monday. I wore my elephant t-shirt you created. Several people commented on it.” *One of her classmates, Barbara, a “working $$$$ artist”said she liked my shirt very much.

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This snapped me back to reality. 1. My elephant drawing t-shirt is super cute thus proving that I have some talent. 2. I can’t let my insecurities get to me. I can’t travel down the road of insecurity without a lot of unnecessary pain. 3. My job is what I make of it. It’s up to me to give my job purpose or not. I believe, honestly, that my job helps a lot of people do good things for our community.

Sh*t happens. Sh*t happens in my head. When it happens in my head I have to focus on how I react to it. I can only do my thing. I can come home and pile on more sh*t. Or I can keep drawing, keep doodling, keep playing around with paint and clay. There is nothing to do but deal with it.

In life you need one thing to survive: The ability to realize shit happens. You step in it. Accept it, get over it, and move on. 

 

*The fact that a working and paid artist likes my shirt is a high compliment. Mom and I both think that if you are a working and paid artist you are living the life! At least the life we want to live.

Getting My Sh*t Together with Water & Caffeine Free Diet Coke

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Sh*t tastes good

My office recently moved to a brand new space. I work at a university, and our student union finished major upgrades in January. We moved into our new space the last week of January. For the most part it’s been amazing. Our previous building is on the national historic register. It’s at least 100 years old, which means it has a significant amount of problems, bad odors, and air conditioning units that can’t keep up in these modern times.

Needless to say the new space is stink free, with new desks, furniture, and several initiatives to keep the office EPA friendly, green friendly, and the staff healthy. Even with all it’s amazing improvements and modern add-ons, there is a downside.

We are one level up from the food court.

We all said that we would have to be really conscious of bringing our own lunches or we’d gain weight really fast. Well, guess what?

I gained 10 pounds since moving into our new space. I no longer have to walk half a mile to my office and another half a mile to my car every day. Grabbing a soda and a snack is super easy because we have vending machines on each level of the building. The university bookstore and mini-mart are all easily accessible.

Because of the weight gain and eating bad food a lot of problems have come up. My restless leg syndrome (RLS) is totally out of hand. My skin is breaking out as if I’d entered puberty all over again. Overall I feel blech. I know exactly what I needed to do but am not looking forward to it.

But it’s time to grow up. I’m taking some first steps because it has to start slowly with me otherwise I’ll give up. Also, withdrawal headaches are a b*tch. Here’s my plan:

  1. Giving up caffeine! I didn’t think I would ever say that but there it is. I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it. It’s the headaches that kill me. (Follow up: For a few days those headaches were really bad, like Fight Club punched in the face hurting.)
  2. Drinking more water! I’ve done this before too. I gave up all other liquids and only drank water for a long time. Then I couldn’t sleep and I gave in to the soda again. Well, now I realize that there will always be times when I can’t sleep and the soda really doesn’t do anything to help me feel better. I just like the taste and the bubblies.
  3. Taking supplements! I’m taking a probiotic twice a day for good tummy health. I take a giant Biotin supplement (that also has the right amount of iron in it to help with my anemia) three times a day. Mid-day I take my vitamin B12 for overall goodness.

That’s where I’m starting. I’m Day 3 Week 2 (D3:W2?) without a caffeinated soda. The headaches aren’t too bad, more like a teeny bit of pressure that could also be allergies. Tylenol comes in handy. I started adding more water too. I picked a great time because my Work-BFF just started his water regimen again. We keep laughing about how many times we have to run to the bathroom to pee.

But it’s worth it. Already I’ve seen a decrease in the amount of RLS flare ups. My skin is so much better! Seriously, my face looks amazing compared to how it looked a week and a half ago. I feel good. Feeling good means I’m more creative, I’m less stressed. All good things. But I had to figure this out. No one could tell me this.

Maybe life does begin at 40.