I would like to say that 2017 is the year I get sh*t done, even though I started this blog back in 2016 with the same intention. Sh*t happens. It’s what you do next that matters most. This is one of my focus areas for 2017 – what do I do when sh*t happens?
I tend to over worry about everything. Anxiety is nothing new to me. Sometimes sh*t happens, and sometimes the sh*t is only happening in our heads. This weekend I replayed a conversation I had at work last week that left me feeling worried. I started second guessing my overall purpose in my job. It didn’t take long for my brain to jump to all kinds of conclusions. Tonight, while relaxing with my “Be Inspired: Design Coloring Book – Patterns by Eijffinger”, I tumbled into the thought that I’m just no good at graphic design.
This is a prime example of sh*t happening…in my head.
Because one negative thoughts breeds more negative thoughts I came up with this gem of insecurity: If I’m no good at graphic design, I have no purpose for the work I do.
That negativity was followed up with how much I dreaded going to work in the morning because nothing I do in my job gives me any sense of purpose.
Again, sh*t happens sometimes only in my head.
Purposelessness is a feeling I got used to having in my 20s and 30s. I clung to it because it was the devil I knew. A change, a risk in doing something new was, well, new and scary! What if I failed? What if I found out I was terrible at the new thing? In all that time I never considered that discovery requires risk, that there are things I am definitely going to suck at, but I will always feel purposeless without trying to find what I love doing!
Somewhere along the way I realized that none of my negative feelings were true. Sometimes I want to tumble down that rabbit hole of self-doubt but then something always happens to remind me that those thoughts are false.
Tonight my mother’s voice popped into my head. Can anyone else “hear” their mother’s voice when they read her texts? Well, I can. She sent me this text: “I returned to line dancing on Monday. I wore my elephant t-shirt you created. Several people commented on it.” *One of her classmates, Barbara, a “working $$$$ artist”said she liked my shirt very much.
This snapped me back to reality. 1. My elephant drawing t-shirt is super cute thus proving that I have some talent. 2. I can’t let my insecurities get to me. I can’t travel down the road of insecurity without a lot of unnecessary pain. 3. My job is what I make of it. It’s up to me to give my job purpose or not. I believe, honestly, that my job helps a lot of people do good things for our community.
Sh*t happens. Sh*t happens in my head. When it happens in my head I have to focus on how I react to it. I can only do my thing. I can come home and pile on more sh*t. Or I can keep drawing, keep doodling, keep playing around with paint and clay. There is nothing to do but deal with it.
In life you need one thing to survive: The ability to realize shit happens. You step in it. Accept it, get over it, and move on.
*The fact that a working and paid artist likes my shirt is a high compliment. Mom and I both think that if you are a working and paid artist you are living the life! At least the life we want to live.